There are so many things burning right now – from government and military installations in Iran to luxury hotels, American consulates and oil wells in the Persian Gulf – and, here in Britain, even our ruling Labour Party.
In the classic 1974 film 'The Towering Inferno', a group of intrepid guests run down an elevator shaft to escape flames engulfing a high-rise building as it collapses into a molten lava-like mass. A version of this disaster movie seems to be taking place inside the Labour Party, where a political storm is brewing – fuelled in part by a recent by-election in Manchester – leading some anxious MPs to consider fleeing to an exit door marked 'Green'.
To sum up: a constituency that was once a staunch Labour stronghold – a place where voters once said they would “vote for a dog if it was Labour” – suffered a crushing defeat at the hands of the Green Party, a rising left-wing populist force. Labour didn’t just lose this symbolic vote; they fell humiliatingly to third place, behind the far-right Reform party.
All eyes are now on the local elections in May, where a heavy defeat for Labour is almost certain, while both the Greens and Reform could make big strides, which could prompt a leadership challenge for Prime Minister Keir Starmer. Will a last-minute coup within the fractured party avert its collapse? It remains to be seen.
While a political civil war engulfs the left, anger and frustration engulf the right. The Reform Party was fairly certain of victory in the last by-election – until second-generation Muslim voters, mostly of Pakistani origin, ruined that plan by voting en bloc for the Greens.
Now Reform faces a nightmare scenario: Muslim voters with migrant backgrounds voting alongside so-called “urban progressives” under the Green banner in local elections and the upcoming general election, largely to keep Reform out of power.
Right-wing tabloids have erupted in outrage, blaming the loss on electoral fraud involving “family voting” (i.e. men illegally accompanying women to the polling booths) and “foreign voters” – which essentially seems to mean Muslims. Reform leader Nigel Farage has called for a ban on these “foreign” voters, a call immediately embraced by supportive media outlets such as the Daily Mail.
Poor readers of the Daily Mail! Every morning they have to face so many enemies – from Muslims to the “traitor” Starmer, left-wing students, pro-Palestinian activists, urban progressives and welfare “parasites” – the list just goes on.
But there is always room for more enemies in the world of the British tabloids – especially from their least favorite part of Europe, the Balkans. They have long had an obsessive interest in the Balkan criminal gangs wreaking havoc in Britain, especially those from Albania.
However, the Daily Mail recently uncovered an intriguing new brand of Balkan criminals – chocolate thieves.
“Ruthless Romanian criminal gangs are behind an epidemic of chocolate thefts from British high street shops,” declared a headline that for unclear reasons linked Romanian gangs to the mysterious theft of 200,000 Cadbury Crème Eggs, among other products.
“The Daily Mail’s investigations have uncovered links between the chocolate theft and organised crime gangs operating in Britain and Eastern Europe, particularly Romania,” the newspaper reported – without giving many specific details. The article was accompanied by a photo of a large Cadbury’s Dairy Milk Oreo bar – apparently just what these Balkan thieves are looking for.
Why Romanian criminals would come from Bucharest to London just to steal chocolate remains a question. After all, it's chocolate, not gold. Maybe Romanians can't resist the taste of 'Cadbury'.
The Daily Mail, however, has mixed feelings about Romania. It often promotes King Charles's rural estates in Transylvania, and this week described the capital Bucharest as a "little Paris" known for its "medieval charm" - which is odd, as Bucharest has very few medieval buildings. Perhaps they were confusing it with Prague.
Cigarette smugglers on TikTok
Albanian criminals wreaking havoc in Britain are a much more familiar topic for the tabloids. Last week we learned, again from the 'Daily Mail', that "Albanian gangs are flooding Britain with illegal cigarettes".
“A Daily Mail investigation found multiple Albanian-language TikTok and Facebook pages offering cigarettes from big brands like Marlboro to customers in Britain,” the newspaper reported. And, in case we had forgotten, it also reminded us that “Albanian groups now control the majority of the UK cocaine market.”
These gangsters are said to be selling cigarettes via Facebook, TikTok and Instagram, offering brands that usually sell for £17 in British stores for just six or seven pounds.
The sharp rise in tobacco taxes in recent years, aimed at discouraging people from smoking, has also created a large black market for illegal cigarettes in Britain. However, police sources say the biggest players in this market are Kurds and Chinese, not Albanians.
Even the Daily Express, the Daily Mail's smaller but equally noisy rival, likes to remind readers of scandals involving Albanian criminals. “Twice-deported Albanian criminal celebrates 10 years in Britain with champagne party,” it recently reported.
"An Albanian career criminal hired burlesque dancers for a champagne-filled party to celebrate 10 years in Britain despite being ordered to leave," reported *Express*, about Dorian Puka, 29, who has served two prison sentences in Britain for robbery and has been deported twice, only to smuggle himself in again.
Mixed messages for Albania
Tabloid stories about Albanian criminality often find echoes in the more serious but equally right-wing newspaper 'The Telegraph', which recently reported that Albanians working illegally in Britain are receiving instructions on TikTok from other Albanians on how to avoid police checks.
“Albanians are using TikTok to show illegal workers how to thwart Home Office checks on businesses,” the newspaper reported.
In reality, however – far from the tabloid world – the British government is relatively efficient at deporting Albanian criminals, simply because it is relatively easy under existing agreements with Tirana.
According to the Home Office in February, “Albanian nationals accounted for a quarter (2,440) of all forced returns in the last 12 months. The number of forced returns of Albanian nationals increased following the signing of the UK-Albania Joint Communiqué in December 2022, which was a response to the large number of Albanian arrivals by small boats in 2022.”
And not all British media outlets are always on the side of Albanians. There are also much more positive portrayals in tourism columns and travel sites, some of which are promoting Albania as the “new Croatia”.
Saga Holidays, which mainly targets older tourists, recently ranked Albania fourth among "seven destinations to visit in 2026."
“Top spots include the beaches and turquoise waters of Ksamil (which can be visited by ferry from Corfu); Berat, known as the ‘City of a Thousand Windows’ for its Ottoman and Albanian architecture; and the capital, Tirana,” Saga wrote.
However, given the general British sense of slow decline and impoverishment, cost was naturally a major factor. “Albania is currently one of the cheapest countries in Europe. Visit for affordable accommodation, food and transport,” Saga pointed out./ reporter.al
