We all know someone who can talk for 20 minutes without asking a single question. Or someone who, just as you start telling them a story, interrupts you to tell a story of their own.
A new analysis by The Guardian examines the psychology of one-sided conversations and the people who, consciously or unconsciously, monopolize communication.
Experts distinguish several profiles.
The first is the "serial monologue": the person who starts talking and doesn't stop, noticing or ignoring signals that the other person wants to participate in the conversation.
Another is the one who practices what is now called "trauma dumping": unloading very personal problems and experiences onto another person without asking whether they have the energy or desire to cope with them emotionally.
Then there is the chronic interrupter, who doesn't wait for the other person to finish their thought.
The article also identifies a more subtle behavior: “boomerasking.” The person asks you a question not because they are genuinely interested in the answer, but because they want you to ask them the same question again.
"How was your vacation?" could actually be the introduction to him telling you 25 minutes about his vacation.
Psychotherapists Charlotte Fox Weber and Sarah Rozenthuler explain that good conversation requires reciprocity. It's not enough to know how to talk; you have to recognize when the other person wants to talk, when they've lost interest, and when the topic is becoming too emotionally charged.
But why don't some people recognize these signals?
The reasons can be different. Someone may be nervous and fill the silence by talking. Another may have a great need for attention. Others may simply not have learned to listen actively.
Technology may also have changed the way we communicate.
Voice notes, text messages, and asynchronous communication allow us to talk for minutes without interruption. When this mode of communication transitions into real life, the dialogue can begin to resemble a series of monologues.
What can you do when you find yourself facing someone who won't stop?
Experts suggest setting boundaries without being aggressive. You can limit the time of the conversation in advance, redirect the topic, or clearly intervene when you need to speak.
In the case of emotional discharge, it is also acceptable to tell someone that you are not in the right mood for such a heavy conversation.
In the end, good conversation is not measured by how many interesting things you manage to say.
It is also measured by the space it leaves for the person in front of it.
Because when a person leaves a meeting and realizes that for an hour no one asked them anything about it, maybe it wasn't a conversation at all. It was an audience.
